Dear Ms. Leading,

I regret to inform you I've fallen out of lust.
It must be so hard to understand.
Did you really think me a fool enough to play along?
And make believing everything you said was true
Push your pouting lips on other unsuspecting lovers

Love,
The Dear Hunter

3.30.2010

"Brick by Boring Brick"

Haunting Bubble Dreams

You sing to me, I hear you tell me that I told you, my heart is dead.
Are my pumping ventricles not proof enough for you?
I push air through the wand, bury myself, unsafe in your fragile soap circles.
Did I know you in a dream?
I watch as you float past.
Where’d you go?
An empty vessel, I’m trying to understand.
What does it feel like, being transparent?
Worry lines on a bubble’s ghost can never be seen.
Baby, I’m just as worried,
Just as worried as you float on and write about me.

FTL: January 4, 2010

My baby sister looked at me, said, “I want to die.”
Those eyes that had looked at me with such life, such adoration, are stained in heartbreak and disappointment
Those lips that ate my cherry lip balm and crayons now let pills and vodka pass through
My mom, she blames herself for “diseasing” her daughters
My dad, he feels he should have been there to stop the monster
I didn’t mean to put the idea in her head back one year, two months, 13 days, seven hours ago
in a hospital wearing an itchy gown that rubbed up against my bare skin
I’m sorry momma, for failing as an older sister
I’m sorry dad, for not teaching her how to be safe
I eat my pills daily, the same pills that she eats now, and we are bonded
Medication management
Post traumatic stress disorder
Bi-polar disorder
Major depression
Sooner or later we won’t need pills & diagnosing to bond

Ticking Time Bomb

You found me hidden under the floorboards
My wires are crossed & connected poorly
They twisted my insides up
Time is running out
Make your decision, handle it carefully
But don’t touch me like you love me
The pin that holds me together
It might fall out

Wifey

I have this toy
I play with him when I am lonely
I play house with him
I make him dinner & drink tea while I wait for the cookies to bake
And I kiss him lightly on the lips & he smiles at me

I have this toy
I play with him when I am lonely
I play house with him
When I miss you

It’s not me that you love.

I make myself a luxury hotel for meaningless men to sleep in
Because the meaningful will not move in & make me his home

I am loved.

I wish I could wrap myself in this feeling forever.
Like a blanket.
And never have to feel the cold.

Sometimes

I feel like the world is pushing
Pushing
Down
And it gets harder
For me
to breathe
I
gasp
and savor the air
But the world keeps
Pushing
Pushing

Maximum Frustration

Under my mattress is a broken piece of wood
We broke it in half with our weight
You pushed me out of your life
So I wished I never met you
And I shoveled a path through the bullshit you left
But the wood support is a splintered reminder
Of when I was grateful I met you
Still, I wish we could break seven more