Dear Ms. Leading,

I regret to inform you I've fallen out of lust.
It must be so hard to understand.
Did you really think me a fool enough to play along?
And make believing everything you said was true
Push your pouting lips on other unsuspecting lovers

The Dear Hunter


"Content with loneliness, 'cause none of it was ever worth the risk."

Internet dating scares the crap out of me.
Mostly because it amplifies my fears of not knowing and not trusting a person.
I've met people face to face that have presented themselves a certain way and then when it came down to it, they weren't the person I thought.

I'm left to feel that if people can manipulate and fool me in real life, then of course they're trying to pull the wool over my eyes over the internet.

We are who we are because we've learned to be this way... it's conditioning.

And you may ask me, "Emily, how can you just not trust people right away like that? Not everyone is a dickweed. That's not fair."

But my response is, "I'll trust the people that earn it from me."

The way I work is not, "I trust you until you've proven I can't."
It's, "I don't trust you until you prove I can."


The tide is high but I'm holding on...

It's freezing in this Starbuck's. Fuck.

Today is my baby sister's 18th birthday and I feel the old settling into my body, making my joints creaky and my responsibility bone tingle... what?
I'm not sure when I hit this age of in between nothingness, where I owe the state and government thousands of dollars and I still don't have a decent paying job.

Is this the age where facebook just makes you want to beat your head against a window as you scroll through old college friends that pretend you don't exist anymore?
Because that's what it feels like.

Oh man, I'm in a depressing state here in this Starbuck's in Poughkeepsie, NY- miles away from the people that I believe care about me.
I made this choice and I have to deal with it. No more running. No more drowning.