Dear Ms. Leading,

I regret to inform you I've fallen out of lust.
It must be so hard to understand.
Did you really think me a fool enough to play along?
And make believing everything you said was true
Push your pouting lips on other unsuspecting lovers

The Dear Hunter


This is the first time that I have ever looked at people who engage in recreational drug use and felt like I was missing out on something. Why can't I be brave enough to let go of the kung-fu grip I have on my life and just smoke a bowl with other kids my age who have no idea what my name is but like the fact that I speak with a Long Island accent?

I am a 21 year old hiding in alcoholism and judging the rest of the world as they smoke and snort and shoot up.

And I want to be just like them.


You phony bastards.


I've realized that I am a villain.

I take the "tragedies" in my life and hold onto them, harboring them deep within my heart.
Not the best way to live.

After all of these years of not liking Batman too much because he's not really a "super" hero, I'm starting to envy the fictional character's successes through his tragedies.

I am a villain, not a Batman.


Today, as I was ringing up an Asian woman, I also answered a phone and gave directions to our store.

When I hung up, the smiling Asian woman said, "You did that so well. You have such patience to do all those things at once... you know, patience is a virtue," and said my name as she read it from my nametag. She was so impressed with my multi-tasking that she was reduced to a stereotypical Asian, speaking in mystical terms.

Has anyone else had a cliche fortune cookie quote said to them by an Asian person as sincerely as this woman said it to me?

I think not.


I constantly live in fear of the day when I wake up and can't laugh at myself anymore.

The moment where I lie in bed and say,

"Shit. I'm fucked."

Yea. I'd say that's what I'm most afraid of.


Is it so wrong to get so bored with your life that you just want to fucking run into traffic?

Maybe it is.

Is it my fault that my life isn't exciting?

Probably. I'd rather not see it that way though.

But as long as I am surrounded by predictable people, generic gatherings and nothing remotely stimulating, I will imagine flinging myself into an oncoming 18 wheeler.

I'm not suicidal.
I'm just bored.