Dear Ms. Leading,

I regret to inform you I've fallen out of lust.
It must be so hard to understand.
Did you really think me a fool enough to play along?
And make believing everything you said was true
Push your pouting lips on other unsuspecting lovers

The Dear Hunter


"When she gives you affection, you better wear protection. That skank might have an infection, are you paying close attention?"

I've been listening to ridiculous music for the past several days.
Mostly popular Youtube partner songs.
Like "Sex Ed Rocks" & "Four Years Foreplay" by Smosh & I Set My Friends on Fire.
Mostly because it doesn't make me think about anything and it makes me laugh.

"They have the best swings ever. I once jumped five feet in the air!"

I feel like my brain is shutting down in a way.
I read assignments for class, but a lot of it just doesn't sink in and I can't complete reaction papers to my fullest potential. I'm usually just stuck at the surface.

It might be because I was overwhelmed with emotion this weekend.
And it was completely unexpected.
I had a great, active and social weekend filled with my lovely friends, drinks and good music.

But there were a few events that left me in tears the following day.
I watched the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy and had a good, hormonal cry just to let it all out.

Oh and this haircut.
This haircut...

I'm starting to keep track of who looks at me and how people interact with me.
Just as a social observation I guess.
A guy that is more interested in me than I am in him responded, "But your hair was short already. Is it shorter than mine?? Why'd you do it??"

Since when did I have to answer to you?
I just met you two fucking weeks ago and you know NOTHING about me.
Maybe if you actually paid attention when I talked to you instead of asking me to SEXT message you, you would've known that I needed a change in my life.

Fucking idiot.

He's not my babydaddy, so good news, everyone.
I won't have a baby that doesn't know what the word "vanity" means.

"It's being vain."
"...what's vain?"

This is a college educated 21 year old, everyone.
...whose birthday is today.


"I want you. I want you so bad."

Every time I meet a guy, I size him up by how well he can take my sarcasm.
The guy I met this weekend took the ridicule well and even gave it right back to me.
I could tell that he was into me within the first five minutes of meeting him.
Fine with me as long as you keep your distance, sir.

He tried to leave later on in the night and would only stay if I admitted that I was attracted to him.
I was convinced that he shouldn't be driving after the games of beer pong he played so I swallowed my pride and told him that yes, I had been flirting back all night.
We walked away from everyone to talk and that's when he started feeding me the lines.

"I just think you're so beautiful... I want to take you out and hold your hand. Is that okay with you?... Can we cuddle tonight? I just want to be around you... Let's listen to Abbey Road remastered at my house tomorrow night..."

Blah blah fuckin' blah.

And we made out a bit.
"You're such a good kisser."

*rolls eyes*

I walked right into it.
He found my dimple while we were sitting by the fire and then "romantically" said, "You're so beautiful."

I hate when men tell me I'm beautiful.
I shouldn't hate this, but my experiences have led me to.

We went back into the house and made out a bit more.
He led me into the basement to make out a bit and confessed that he was erect.

Ya. I could tell.

Then he said, "What? You don't believe me?" and tried to take it out.
I stopped him and started walking back up the stairs. What the fuckkkkkk?

People came in and were talking to us and he started to walk towards the front of the house.
I followed him and he wanted to go back to his house.
I hesitated and he said, "Or we could go to your house."

More of my hesitation in the car led us to talk about spending the night at our own places.
But drunk and lonely Ms. Harding said, "No it's okay. You can come back," knowing damn well what was expected to happen.

I said, "I'm gonna pass out soon."
He said something like, "Not before this," started kissing me within five minutes of walking into my room... and then started to undress himself. I stopped him before he got to his underwear.

We made out some more and before I knew it, it was all over.
He had said all night that he wanted to cuddle with me, but... no cuddling.
Just him telling me to stop rubbing his back because it tickled too much.

I didn't sleep well.
He tossed and turned a lot.

He left around 8am and went home to get ready for work, but not before asking me to text him while he was there.

But now, I'm not speaking to him because he pulled a "Billy" on me and is claiming that I was the one who came on to him.

Billy was a really nice boy I met through a friend about three years ago.
The night we met, he told me I was beautiful and held my hand and wished I wasn't going back to school after spring break. He drove me home the next night from a friends house and we parked. He started kissing me, but stuck his hand down my pants. I had to stop him several times, but even though I stopped him, he still asked me if I wanted to "go further."

I asked him to take me home and called my friend crying about it.
A year passed and I found out that Billy had told my friend that it was ME that asked to "go further" in his car, parked in front of a creepy sump.

So now here's another guy, pulling a "Billy" and making me out to be the manipulative succubus.
That's why I don't like being called, "beautiful."
That's why I'm like this.


"No, he can't read my poker face."

Tonight is proving to be an insomniac night, so I've been up doing a little, quick Google research on neurotransmitters, pheromones & sex.
Most of the articles I'm finding just perpetuate the stereotype of women getting emotionally attached to males. And the articles I've come across are all about heterosexual intercourse, which I won't even begin to address. I'll bite my tongue for now.

I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with the lack of articles on men wanting to cuddle after sex.
In my experience, it's the males that initiate all of the pillow-talk and snuggling.

Why are all of these articles about, "why men don't cuddle after sex?"

My real-life research proves the majority of the googled research* wrong.
Obviously, some men find sex intimate enough to want to feel close to their partner, even if they don't know them very well.

However, I did find an article about dopamine and prolactin levels after sex.
As dopamine production starts to decline right after orgasm, prolactin increases and lowers the sex drive from "OMG YES!" to "Meh," so that we can go about our lives.
Maybe that's why I prefer to sleep alone after activities.
This article also made me question if I produce excess dopamine, but that can be saved for my private blog.

I guess what I've realized tonight is that sex truly is a personal, relative, case-by-case experience that can't be pigeon-holed into being a one, general experience.

*Yes, I know, google research isn't real research. I wish the library was open at 2am.


"And, hey. I choose my company by the beating of their hearts, not the swelling of their heads."

To pretentious assholes that think their taste in music, clothing, movies, TV shows (WHAT THE FUCK EVER) is BETTER than everyone else's:

If your opinion of a person is severely impacted by their tastes, WAKE THE FUCK UP.

So what if someone likes Lady GaGa or One Republic... or dare I say it... NICKELBACK.
So what if someone likes to watch Gossip Girl or Project Runway?

Sometimes things are just meant to be fun.
To "just dance."
No, I personally don't believe there's any substance to some of these things people like, but it's fun. It's catchy. Its purpose is exactly that.

I'm really done with you people.
You all can just go fucking drive off of a BORING PRETENTIOUS CLIFF for all I care.
I'm gonna go rock out to some Kelly now.


"The Devil and God are raging inside of me."

This is my 100th entry.

Religion has two conflicting views.
Depending on which faith you practice, you either see God in everyone or you see the Devil in everyone.

When these two views meet, the universe explodes.
I've seen it happen.

I don't know where I'm going with this.
I've just always found that fascinating.

Hey. Did you know that if you reverse "God," you get "dog," and if you flip "Devil," it reads, "lived?"
One means nothing, really. And the other I interpret as... you've truly lived if you flirt with the devil.

Oh and the new Brand New album leaked and it's amazing me.