Dear Ms. Leading,

I regret to inform you I've fallen out of lust.
It must be so hard to understand.
Did you really think me a fool enough to play along?
And make believing everything you said was true
Push your pouting lips on other unsuspecting lovers

Love,
The Dear Hunter

4.29.2010

"Together we'll dance in the dark."

My life is a treadmill.
Or a moving sidewalk.
But at least with a moving sidewalk, there is some progress.
I feel out of breath & tired all of the time, but I'm still in the same fucking place I started.
Still in the same fucking place I've been for years.

Why is it that no matter how hard I try, I'm still stuck?

"Jane, get me off this crazy thing!" - George Jetson

Time to throw this piece of shit to the curb, with the rest of the unwanted home gym machines of the world.

4.22.2010

"The script it called for rain, but it was clear that day, so we faked it"

Am I the only one that gets choked up about the LGBT community?
Every time I read an article or see something in the media about repression and intolerance, I get emotional.

I describe myself as a queer individual because I do believe in loving a person for their spirit and not their genitals or what society says their gender is.

I also believe that love knows no gender, social class, religion or race.

That's something I wish for everyone to believe.
That's a lesson I will teach my children and a lesson I hope my children will pass on as well.

4.21.2010

"She's got herself a universe gone quickly, for the call of thunder threatens everyone"

As I filled out more work applications in the library, a guy I had met the night before at a campus program came up to me to say "hello."
I admitted that I had a crush on one of his male friends and he revealed that he had a crush on the same friend.

He started talking about the video "Sassy Gay Friend" and volunteered to be mine.

This turned into a discussion about Shakespeare and Romeo & Juliet and how terribly horrible their "love" really was.

Our whispers became exclamations as we spoke about teenagers and their need to be defiant. The "star-crossed lovers" found a commonality in their awful, privileged lives and lusted after one another. But woe is them, they couldn't have each other.
With melodrama dripping from the teens' pathetic words and promises, death is obviously the option.

We laughed a lot about repressed gay men in almost everyone of Shakespeare's plays, and even talked about how love is perceived to everyone. Every person has a different perception of reality, so their perception and definition of love is relative.

I mentioned how I believe that no relationship can truly be emotionally balanced because of this. Someone will always love harder. The only way to come close to a balanced and equal relationship is to compromise.

Strangely enough, later that night I attended a Sex Ed program sponsored by my campus' Black Student Union. A sex therapist spoke about the specific kinds of love (eros, agape, storge) and how everyone's view of lust, love, intimacy and romance are different.

I'm not sure why, but it all struck an emotional chord buried deep and I tried to not cry. It might've been because I started thinking about how much I love someone and how I feel I'll never be rid of the lingering "what if"s about our up, down & sideways relationship.

From this view point, I'm hoping to wake up one day when a sassy gay friend says, "You are a stupid bitch,"

4.13.2010

"Having every question answered isn't gonna help at all."

I'm very afraid for the future.
The internet age has spoiled and warped children.
They can pretend to be whoever they want and hide behind computers.
They can harass other children from a safe distance.
They can teach themselves and experiment with each other.

I'm afraid for my hypothetical children.
I'm afraid of what I'll have to do to protect them from other people and, well, the world.

In a month I'll be 23 years old. Scary.
It's extra scary when you know someone your age who is going to be a mother, and several people who are already married.

Am I falling behind?
Or am I just right on time?

Either way, I fear for children's future.