Dear Ms. Leading,

I regret to inform you I've fallen out of lust.
It must be so hard to understand.
Did you really think me a fool enough to play along?
And make believing everything you said was true
Push your pouting lips on other unsuspecting lovers

The Dear Hunter


Today, my mother said to me, "You weren't always like this," referring to how unsatisfied I am with just about everything I do, and cynical to the point of being a killjoy at times.

It got me to think about how I got here.
Because she's right.
I wasn't always like "this."

My response was, "It's the people that have screwed me over... actually, it's because I lost faith in humanity."

She didn't like that.

Sometimes, I miss my optimistic view on life I had with a Capri-Sun and PB&J lunch or the occasional Lunchables package.

But then I'm brought back to the present where I work at a shitty retail job for just over minimum wage, on an island that would charge you to breathe if they could. I have several thousand dollars in loans to pay back in about a year, no idea what I'm going to "be" when I "grow up" and living in a nation where the economy is spiraling down the toilet of western civilization.

I wonder if this is growing up.
Or if it's growing up to be a cynical old hag.

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