Dear Ms. Leading,

I regret to inform you I've fallen out of lust.
It must be so hard to understand.
Did you really think me a fool enough to play along?
And make believing everything you said was true
Push your pouting lips on other unsuspecting lovers

The Dear Hunter


"She lives in a fairy tale, Somewhere too far for us to find, Forgotten the taste and smell, Of the world that she’s left behind"

Lately, I've been so sick that I've had no idea where I am.
I was vomiting for six hours on and off, sweating out a fever in the middle of my sleep and so achy that moving from my bed was a chore.
A possible case of the flu passed through my thoughts at one point.

But thanks to my resilient immune system, I'm fine now.
As if nothing ever happened to me.
It'll take a while to get my appetite back because I haven't eaten anything substantial since Saturday night, really, but it looks like I'll be back to normal soon enough.

Now, why can't I bounce back emotionally?
I know so many people that stay sick for weeks but can let the emotional details roll off of their backs like the disgusting man-made lake water off of the mallard ducks on campus.
Why can't I have that?
Why is my body no longer aching for health, but my mind aching for my celexa?

I detoxed myself over three months ago.
One of my best friends is right. I "don't need a crutch."
But it helped. I was focused. I wasn't up late stressing and worrying myself into anxiety attacks over things that are out of my control.
It wasn't my crutch. It was emotional braces that I was going to get removed eventually anyway... my teeth were going to be straight once I wore them long enough. The prescription had a promise attached to it.

Maybe I'm jaded, but at least I don't still believe that someone on a white horse will save me. That's even more deluded.

So while I don't "need" it, I do actually need it... if that makes any sense.

I need to stop making late night metaphors.

1 comment:

The Kid said...

I know exactly what you mean.